When a person becomes Ill and sometimes decide to take there own life many questions are asked and on occasions the word depression is raised.
I watched depression destroy my mum, her marriage, my childhood and even relationships I have had later on in life.
Depression I guess is classed as an illness or a condition and is so not a mental problem which so many seem to think it is.
I must admit when things go against me I can retreat within myself and go down some very dark roads in my head, I guess it's my way of blotting out pain and distress despite the jovial nature you all know I portray here and on other social networking sites.
With the NHS being cut on a regular basis I fear that any research into depression will not be forthcoming and many will suffer because of it.
Next time a friend or family member isn't happy just take a second or two and look at them and offer them a hug or a friendly word as unhappiness can manifest itself into something far more sinister and distressing.
Obviously supporting Northampton Town puts us through many emotions at the end of the day it is only a game, life however isn't.
I don't want an argument over my words above but just felt the need to get my feelings down on paper fo all to see, thank you got taking the time to read my words.
Monday 28 November 2011
Sunday 24 July 2011
Life
Since I last blogged I have had a few things happen to me.
Last Monday I finally got my decree absolute through so am now divorced and now all the planning starts for my next wedding, the person I wanted as my best man has kindly agreed to do so which has made me very happy as I know he will keep me calm and keep my feet on the ground and will be my way of thanking of him for all the years he looked after me when I was going through troubled times in my teenage years.
I have also been a Tweetup...............A Tweetup is when people who tweet meet up and this was a Bedfordshire meeting of which fifteen of us turned up and it was a fun evening had by all and it was good to put names to faces and get to know others face to face and I hope to go to another one one day.
Last Monday I finally got my decree absolute through so am now divorced and now all the planning starts for my next wedding, the person I wanted as my best man has kindly agreed to do so which has made me very happy as I know he will keep me calm and keep my feet on the ground and will be my way of thanking of him for all the years he looked after me when I was going through troubled times in my teenage years.
I have also been a Tweetup...............A Tweetup is when people who tweet meet up and this was a Bedfordshire meeting of which fifteen of us turned up and it was a fun evening had by all and it was good to put names to faces and get to know others face to face and I hope to go to another one one day.
Friday 10 June 2011
Game Over?
I know your monitoring what I say I have seen you admit it thanks to others looking out for me.
I never ever wanted any of all your money all I want is to be set free so I can finally move on.
After so long apart why prolong this farce?
Your in a much better place than I am.
I am sorry I hurt you and I never meant to and I regret leaving you.
There will always be a part of me that loves you.
Enough now please, time is a healer.
If you ever loved me then please let me go.
I never ever wanted any of all your money all I want is to be set free so I can finally move on.
After so long apart why prolong this farce?
Your in a much better place than I am.
I am sorry I hurt you and I never meant to and I regret leaving you.
There will always be a part of me that loves you.
Enough now please, time is a healer.
If you ever loved me then please let me go.
Sunday 3 April 2011
Saturday Night Fever
At 8:15 on Saturday 2nd April 2011 an odd sequence of events played out which I can't quite believe happened but I feel I have to share with you all.
My other half awoke after having 40 winks and declared it was far to late to start cooking so if I wanted something hot to eat I could go out for takeaway or go to the shops.
I don't know where it came from but from deep inside me a voice in my head leapt out and said lets go to shopping.
Being a Saturday Supermarkets actually shut so didn't leave us much time to play with so we drove towards Tour destination until we reached the middle of town when the traffic came to a stop and the sky was full of fireworks and the traffic were surrounded by many of the Indian community celebrating India's win in the Cricket World Cup.
I found a side street and got on with my journey only to discover that since I last went down it the local council had put bollards up at the end of the street. Eventually I managed to turn the van round and re-join the traffic and crowds.
Eventually we crawled through the celebrations and made it to the Supermarket. Now I don't know about you but when I go shopping I like to have cash on the hip so was flummoxed when all three cash points were out of money.
Once inside the Supermarket we started to fill the trolley up at a very slow pace even though I treated myself to the latest Tiger Woods game for the Nintendo Wii.
When turning into an aisle a child was running along and didn't look where he was going and ran straight into our trolley and burst into tears so had to wait for his parents to pick him up and dust him down.
I got to the drinks aisle and I wanted a bottle of drink I couldn't quite reach so jumped up on the lower shelf to try and grab the bottle only to have that shelf break and send quite a few bottles to the floor where one burst and sent a fountain of fizzy drink all over the place so then had to explain my actions to the Manager.
Once I'd explained what had happened I was allowed to carry on and made it to the till and as we'd almost finished all the lights went out for a short while and once they went back on we had to put everything back on the belt and do it all over again.
Just as we get towards home the van suddenly stops and I realise that after the Evenings events I hadn't remembered to put Diesel in the van which I would've done if I hadn't been so rushed so had to push the van home and will have to go out with a can to get some more today.
All in all an eventful evening was had, me and my big mouth when will I ever learn!
My other half awoke after having 40 winks and declared it was far to late to start cooking so if I wanted something hot to eat I could go out for takeaway or go to the shops.
I don't know where it came from but from deep inside me a voice in my head leapt out and said lets go to shopping.
Being a Saturday Supermarkets actually shut so didn't leave us much time to play with so we drove towards Tour destination until we reached the middle of town when the traffic came to a stop and the sky was full of fireworks and the traffic were surrounded by many of the Indian community celebrating India's win in the Cricket World Cup.
I found a side street and got on with my journey only to discover that since I last went down it the local council had put bollards up at the end of the street. Eventually I managed to turn the van round and re-join the traffic and crowds.
Eventually we crawled through the celebrations and made it to the Supermarket. Now I don't know about you but when I go shopping I like to have cash on the hip so was flummoxed when all three cash points were out of money.
Once inside the Supermarket we started to fill the trolley up at a very slow pace even though I treated myself to the latest Tiger Woods game for the Nintendo Wii.
When turning into an aisle a child was running along and didn't look where he was going and ran straight into our trolley and burst into tears so had to wait for his parents to pick him up and dust him down.
I got to the drinks aisle and I wanted a bottle of drink I couldn't quite reach so jumped up on the lower shelf to try and grab the bottle only to have that shelf break and send quite a few bottles to the floor where one burst and sent a fountain of fizzy drink all over the place so then had to explain my actions to the Manager.
Once I'd explained what had happened I was allowed to carry on and made it to the till and as we'd almost finished all the lights went out for a short while and once they went back on we had to put everything back on the belt and do it all over again.
Just as we get towards home the van suddenly stops and I realise that after the Evenings events I hadn't remembered to put Diesel in the van which I would've done if I hadn't been so rushed so had to push the van home and will have to go out with a can to get some more today.
All in all an eventful evening was had, me and my big mouth when will I ever learn!
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Reflections
Seven years ago this week I got married.
In October 2004 the marriage ended when I walked away from my marriage and wife
Seven years on I'm still not divorced, got the decree nisi and a date for the decree absolute although a List of Consent has just landed on my doorstep.
I won't go into the reasons of the break up of my marriage but after eight years together with never a crossed word once the wedding rings was worn I think the both of us changed and maybe the marriage was a way to cover over the cracks in our relationship and it didn't save it sadly.
I'm not proud of my part in the break up of my marriage and with hindsight I should have bit my lip and maybe should have tried harder to save the marriage but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!
Seven years on I've learned to love again but have had to start from scratch and from having everything I could ever want and never having to worry about money and spending most weekends in Paris I now have to work hard for a living to make ends meet and am lucky if I get the occasional weekend away in Skegness and have to make do with the life I've got now and yes over the last seven years I've changed and it doesn't always sit pretty with me but I've made my bed so have to lay in it no matter how uncomfortable it gets and believe me it does.
All I can say to others is if your in an unhappy relationship yes have an exit strategy but think about ways that could save your current relationship, it's all about give and take even if it doesn't always agree with you.
In October 2004 the marriage ended when I walked away from my marriage and wife
Seven years on I'm still not divorced, got the decree nisi and a date for the decree absolute although a List of Consent has just landed on my doorstep.
I won't go into the reasons of the break up of my marriage but after eight years together with never a crossed word once the wedding rings was worn I think the both of us changed and maybe the marriage was a way to cover over the cracks in our relationship and it didn't save it sadly.
I'm not proud of my part in the break up of my marriage and with hindsight I should have bit my lip and maybe should have tried harder to save the marriage but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!
Seven years on I've learned to love again but have had to start from scratch and from having everything I could ever want and never having to worry about money and spending most weekends in Paris I now have to work hard for a living to make ends meet and am lucky if I get the occasional weekend away in Skegness and have to make do with the life I've got now and yes over the last seven years I've changed and it doesn't always sit pretty with me but I've made my bed so have to lay in it no matter how uncomfortable it gets and believe me it does.
All I can say to others is if your in an unhappy relationship yes have an exit strategy but think about ways that could save your current relationship, it's all about give and take even if it doesn't always agree with you.
Sunday 30 January 2011
Life On The Floor
As you may or not know one of my jobs is working in a Waste Transfer Centre.
In a nutshell the Skips we have are emptied onto the floor and the various products go into larger skips that once full go to recycling plants. Wood to wood yards, Metal, Copper, Brass & Lead to scrap yards, Soil, Bricks, Mud and Clay to quarries and so on and so on with glass, cardboard etc etc with very little if any going to landfill sites.
From time to time a skip will come in that has the contents of a life. Usually a person has died and the family decide to throw it all into a skip. The skip will be tipped up in a separate area and I have the duty to carefully go through it and decide what is best for the contents.
Usually most of it will go to a re-claim area or an auction. When you see a person's possessions on the floor in front of you I've been known to get a little bit emotional as you soon in a way get to know the person who's possessions your going through.
It never ceases to amaze me just how a family can do such a thing but I guess in this throw away society even a person's possessions aren't as sentimental as I would like to think?
While going through the possessions if I find photographs or possessions I think shouldn't be on the floor it is my duty to ring the customer up and usually that person will ask to have those possessions returned to them.
When a loved one dies just remember if you throw it into a skip don't just assume it's going to be buried into the ground but someone like me has to perform a duty.
In a nutshell the Skips we have are emptied onto the floor and the various products go into larger skips that once full go to recycling plants. Wood to wood yards, Metal, Copper, Brass & Lead to scrap yards, Soil, Bricks, Mud and Clay to quarries and so on and so on with glass, cardboard etc etc with very little if any going to landfill sites.
From time to time a skip will come in that has the contents of a life. Usually a person has died and the family decide to throw it all into a skip. The skip will be tipped up in a separate area and I have the duty to carefully go through it and decide what is best for the contents.
Usually most of it will go to a re-claim area or an auction. When you see a person's possessions on the floor in front of you I've been known to get a little bit emotional as you soon in a way get to know the person who's possessions your going through.
It never ceases to amaze me just how a family can do such a thing but I guess in this throw away society even a person's possessions aren't as sentimental as I would like to think?
While going through the possessions if I find photographs or possessions I think shouldn't be on the floor it is my duty to ring the customer up and usually that person will ask to have those possessions returned to them.
When a loved one dies just remember if you throw it into a skip don't just assume it's going to be buried into the ground but someone like me has to perform a duty.
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