I know your monitoring what I say I have seen you admit it thanks to others looking out for me.
I never ever wanted any of all your money all I want is to be set free so I can finally move on.
After so long apart why prolong this farce?
Your in a much better place than I am.
I am sorry I hurt you and I never meant to and I regret leaving you.
There will always be a part of me that loves you.
Enough now please, time is a healer.
If you ever loved me then please let me go.
Friday, 10 June 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Saturday Night Fever
At 8:15 on Saturday 2nd April 2011 an odd sequence of events played out which I can't quite believe happened but I feel I have to share with you all.
My other half awoke after having 40 winks and declared it was far to late to start cooking so if I wanted something hot to eat I could go out for takeaway or go to the shops.
I don't know where it came from but from deep inside me a voice in my head leapt out and said lets go to shopping.
Being a Saturday Supermarkets actually shut so didn't leave us much time to play with so we drove towards Tour destination until we reached the middle of town when the traffic came to a stop and the sky was full of fireworks and the traffic were surrounded by many of the Indian community celebrating India's win in the Cricket World Cup.
I found a side street and got on with my journey only to discover that since I last went down it the local council had put bollards up at the end of the street. Eventually I managed to turn the van round and re-join the traffic and crowds.
Eventually we crawled through the celebrations and made it to the Supermarket. Now I don't know about you but when I go shopping I like to have cash on the hip so was flummoxed when all three cash points were out of money.
Once inside the Supermarket we started to fill the trolley up at a very slow pace even though I treated myself to the latest Tiger Woods game for the Nintendo Wii.
When turning into an aisle a child was running along and didn't look where he was going and ran straight into our trolley and burst into tears so had to wait for his parents to pick him up and dust him down.
I got to the drinks aisle and I wanted a bottle of drink I couldn't quite reach so jumped up on the lower shelf to try and grab the bottle only to have that shelf break and send quite a few bottles to the floor where one burst and sent a fountain of fizzy drink all over the place so then had to explain my actions to the Manager.
Once I'd explained what had happened I was allowed to carry on and made it to the till and as we'd almost finished all the lights went out for a short while and once they went back on we had to put everything back on the belt and do it all over again.
Just as we get towards home the van suddenly stops and I realise that after the Evenings events I hadn't remembered to put Diesel in the van which I would've done if I hadn't been so rushed so had to push the van home and will have to go out with a can to get some more today.
All in all an eventful evening was had, me and my big mouth when will I ever learn!
My other half awoke after having 40 winks and declared it was far to late to start cooking so if I wanted something hot to eat I could go out for takeaway or go to the shops.
I don't know where it came from but from deep inside me a voice in my head leapt out and said lets go to shopping.
Being a Saturday Supermarkets actually shut so didn't leave us much time to play with so we drove towards Tour destination until we reached the middle of town when the traffic came to a stop and the sky was full of fireworks and the traffic were surrounded by many of the Indian community celebrating India's win in the Cricket World Cup.
I found a side street and got on with my journey only to discover that since I last went down it the local council had put bollards up at the end of the street. Eventually I managed to turn the van round and re-join the traffic and crowds.
Eventually we crawled through the celebrations and made it to the Supermarket. Now I don't know about you but when I go shopping I like to have cash on the hip so was flummoxed when all three cash points were out of money.
Once inside the Supermarket we started to fill the trolley up at a very slow pace even though I treated myself to the latest Tiger Woods game for the Nintendo Wii.
When turning into an aisle a child was running along and didn't look where he was going and ran straight into our trolley and burst into tears so had to wait for his parents to pick him up and dust him down.
I got to the drinks aisle and I wanted a bottle of drink I couldn't quite reach so jumped up on the lower shelf to try and grab the bottle only to have that shelf break and send quite a few bottles to the floor where one burst and sent a fountain of fizzy drink all over the place so then had to explain my actions to the Manager.
Once I'd explained what had happened I was allowed to carry on and made it to the till and as we'd almost finished all the lights went out for a short while and once they went back on we had to put everything back on the belt and do it all over again.
Just as we get towards home the van suddenly stops and I realise that after the Evenings events I hadn't remembered to put Diesel in the van which I would've done if I hadn't been so rushed so had to push the van home and will have to go out with a can to get some more today.
All in all an eventful evening was had, me and my big mouth when will I ever learn!
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Reflections
Seven years ago this week I got married.
In October 2004 the marriage ended when I walked away from my marriage and wife
Seven years on I'm still not divorced, got the decree nisi and a date for the decree absolute although a List of Consent has just landed on my doorstep.
I won't go into the reasons of the break up of my marriage but after eight years together with never a crossed word once the wedding rings was worn I think the both of us changed and maybe the marriage was a way to cover over the cracks in our relationship and it didn't save it sadly.
I'm not proud of my part in the break up of my marriage and with hindsight I should have bit my lip and maybe should have tried harder to save the marriage but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!
Seven years on I've learned to love again but have had to start from scratch and from having everything I could ever want and never having to worry about money and spending most weekends in Paris I now have to work hard for a living to make ends meet and am lucky if I get the occasional weekend away in Skegness and have to make do with the life I've got now and yes over the last seven years I've changed and it doesn't always sit pretty with me but I've made my bed so have to lay in it no matter how uncomfortable it gets and believe me it does.
All I can say to others is if your in an unhappy relationship yes have an exit strategy but think about ways that could save your current relationship, it's all about give and take even if it doesn't always agree with you.
In October 2004 the marriage ended when I walked away from my marriage and wife
Seven years on I'm still not divorced, got the decree nisi and a date for the decree absolute although a List of Consent has just landed on my doorstep.
I won't go into the reasons of the break up of my marriage but after eight years together with never a crossed word once the wedding rings was worn I think the both of us changed and maybe the marriage was a way to cover over the cracks in our relationship and it didn't save it sadly.
I'm not proud of my part in the break up of my marriage and with hindsight I should have bit my lip and maybe should have tried harder to save the marriage but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!
Seven years on I've learned to love again but have had to start from scratch and from having everything I could ever want and never having to worry about money and spending most weekends in Paris I now have to work hard for a living to make ends meet and am lucky if I get the occasional weekend away in Skegness and have to make do with the life I've got now and yes over the last seven years I've changed and it doesn't always sit pretty with me but I've made my bed so have to lay in it no matter how uncomfortable it gets and believe me it does.
All I can say to others is if your in an unhappy relationship yes have an exit strategy but think about ways that could save your current relationship, it's all about give and take even if it doesn't always agree with you.
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Life On The Floor
As you may or not know one of my jobs is working in a Waste Transfer Centre.
In a nutshell the Skips we have are emptied onto the floor and the various products go into larger skips that once full go to recycling plants. Wood to wood yards, Metal, Copper, Brass & Lead to scrap yards, Soil, Bricks, Mud and Clay to quarries and so on and so on with glass, cardboard etc etc with very little if any going to landfill sites.
From time to time a skip will come in that has the contents of a life. Usually a person has died and the family decide to throw it all into a skip. The skip will be tipped up in a separate area and I have the duty to carefully go through it and decide what is best for the contents.
Usually most of it will go to a re-claim area or an auction. When you see a person's possessions on the floor in front of you I've been known to get a little bit emotional as you soon in a way get to know the person who's possessions your going through.
It never ceases to amaze me just how a family can do such a thing but I guess in this throw away society even a person's possessions aren't as sentimental as I would like to think?
While going through the possessions if I find photographs or possessions I think shouldn't be on the floor it is my duty to ring the customer up and usually that person will ask to have those possessions returned to them.
When a loved one dies just remember if you throw it into a skip don't just assume it's going to be buried into the ground but someone like me has to perform a duty.
In a nutshell the Skips we have are emptied onto the floor and the various products go into larger skips that once full go to recycling plants. Wood to wood yards, Metal, Copper, Brass & Lead to scrap yards, Soil, Bricks, Mud and Clay to quarries and so on and so on with glass, cardboard etc etc with very little if any going to landfill sites.
From time to time a skip will come in that has the contents of a life. Usually a person has died and the family decide to throw it all into a skip. The skip will be tipped up in a separate area and I have the duty to carefully go through it and decide what is best for the contents.
Usually most of it will go to a re-claim area or an auction. When you see a person's possessions on the floor in front of you I've been known to get a little bit emotional as you soon in a way get to know the person who's possessions your going through.
It never ceases to amaze me just how a family can do such a thing but I guess in this throw away society even a person's possessions aren't as sentimental as I would like to think?
While going through the possessions if I find photographs or possessions I think shouldn't be on the floor it is my duty to ring the customer up and usually that person will ask to have those possessions returned to them.
When a loved one dies just remember if you throw it into a skip don't just assume it's going to be buried into the ground but someone like me has to perform a duty.
Friday, 31 December 2010
2010
2010 Has been & is almost gone.
2010 was an ok year for me I guess, given the title of a Sales Manager for one of the companies I work for.
I met two of my heroes, I watched Dave Gorman do a stand up show & he signed three of his books for me & we had a chat, great fella.
I met Sir Michael Caine, well I say met, saw, went from Bedfordshire to Birmingham for a book signing, stood in line for a few hours, however not his fault but my book was taken from my hands a few minutes before getting to where he was sat signing them & sadly he hardly had time to look up so I saw Michael but no handshake or chat & a very rushed photo taken of me as I'm being pushed out of the way to make room for others.
I became an Uncle again when just as we were sitting down for Christmas dinner I got a text from my brother who's wife had just given birth a few weeks early & seeing my Dad at the table so happy was a joy to behold & gave the day a very happy vibe & there was snow on the ground so it was a very happy day.
I got Sky+ & a HD Television which has been great with me watching many episodes of The Sweeney, Minder, Hill Street Blues & Bargain Hunt.
My beloved Northampton Town beat Liverpool in the League Cup at Anfield.
I moved back into a house that I had been in many years before & it feels great to be back.
After six years apart started to get my divorce sorted out, just waiting for my decree absolute to come through.
Aims for 2011, marriage is the priority, Chas & Dave & Jethro are performing close by so hope to see them perform. The next Batman movie is doing some filming near here so shall see if I get on set as an extra & if Michael Caine is there might actually get a better chance to meet him properly even if I have to stand at the gates!!!
Would love to meet up with fellow tweeters & maybe get enough followers so I can follow more than 2001 back & to keep this blog updated with all my thoughts.
2010 was an ok year for me I guess, given the title of a Sales Manager for one of the companies I work for.
I met two of my heroes, I watched Dave Gorman do a stand up show & he signed three of his books for me & we had a chat, great fella.
I met Sir Michael Caine, well I say met, saw, went from Bedfordshire to Birmingham for a book signing, stood in line for a few hours, however not his fault but my book was taken from my hands a few minutes before getting to where he was sat signing them & sadly he hardly had time to look up so I saw Michael but no handshake or chat & a very rushed photo taken of me as I'm being pushed out of the way to make room for others.
I became an Uncle again when just as we were sitting down for Christmas dinner I got a text from my brother who's wife had just given birth a few weeks early & seeing my Dad at the table so happy was a joy to behold & gave the day a very happy vibe & there was snow on the ground so it was a very happy day.
I got Sky+ & a HD Television which has been great with me watching many episodes of The Sweeney, Minder, Hill Street Blues & Bargain Hunt.
My beloved Northampton Town beat Liverpool in the League Cup at Anfield.
I moved back into a house that I had been in many years before & it feels great to be back.
After six years apart started to get my divorce sorted out, just waiting for my decree absolute to come through.
Aims for 2011, marriage is the priority, Chas & Dave & Jethro are performing close by so hope to see them perform. The next Batman movie is doing some filming near here so shall see if I get on set as an extra & if Michael Caine is there might actually get a better chance to meet him properly even if I have to stand at the gates!!!
Would love to meet up with fellow tweeters & maybe get enough followers so I can follow more than 2001 back & to keep this blog updated with all my thoughts.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
You will find me on Twitter a lot.
I don't have a lot of real friends in my life as I've always been a bit of a loner & prefer my own company & do get a bit wary in a crowd of people & being a non drinker I find it very difficult going to pubs & watching others make themselves look silly when tipsy.
I first discovered Twitter a few years ago when I kept hearing & reading news stories about the lovely Lily Allen so I thought I would join up & give it a go & thanks to Twitter I've made so many new friends & have even met a few of you.
I will follow anyone especially if I see a request from others or a new person joins up as just to make a connection with someone new can lead to so many possibilities, I've even gained some extra work for the various companies I'm involved with.
Yes I will put my hands up & admit I follow a lot of females but throughout my life I seem to get along with them better than by men friends as I guess they don't brag about there exploits & don't have ego's to show off?
I get a buzz when a celebrity replies to a tweet I've made & being an avid reader I've tweeted many authors & discovered new ones & bought there books, even had three that have said a character with my name will be in a forthcoming title.
I must admit there are many adult actresses that I follow & I know it might seem a bit odd but through Twitter you get to see a bit of there life & through there tweets you can see that they are normal people like you & me & for a lot of them that industry is just a job & they are really are down to earth & have many of the same feelings you & I have & to get a window in there life I enjoy seeing & many of them who have a business brain & aren't all blond bimbos as parts of the media make them out to be.
I'll tweet about anything & everything & I do give followers virtual gifts with a picture which I hope puts a smile on there faces?
I currently have 1700 followers & I am at the limit where I can only follow 2001 people due to a limit & can't wait to get to the magic figure whatever that is to follow more of you.
I don't have a lot of real friends in my life as I've always been a bit of a loner & prefer my own company & do get a bit wary in a crowd of people & being a non drinker I find it very difficult going to pubs & watching others make themselves look silly when tipsy.
I first discovered Twitter a few years ago when I kept hearing & reading news stories about the lovely Lily Allen so I thought I would join up & give it a go & thanks to Twitter I've made so many new friends & have even met a few of you.
I will follow anyone especially if I see a request from others or a new person joins up as just to make a connection with someone new can lead to so many possibilities, I've even gained some extra work for the various companies I'm involved with.
Yes I will put my hands up & admit I follow a lot of females but throughout my life I seem to get along with them better than by men friends as I guess they don't brag about there exploits & don't have ego's to show off?
I get a buzz when a celebrity replies to a tweet I've made & being an avid reader I've tweeted many authors & discovered new ones & bought there books, even had three that have said a character with my name will be in a forthcoming title.
I must admit there are many adult actresses that I follow & I know it might seem a bit odd but through Twitter you get to see a bit of there life & through there tweets you can see that they are normal people like you & me & for a lot of them that industry is just a job & they are really are down to earth & have many of the same feelings you & I have & to get a window in there life I enjoy seeing & many of them who have a business brain & aren't all blond bimbos as parts of the media make them out to be.
I'll tweet about anything & everything & I do give followers virtual gifts with a picture which I hope puts a smile on there faces?
I currently have 1700 followers & I am at the limit where I can only follow 2001 people due to a limit & can't wait to get to the magic figure whatever that is to follow more of you.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
The Beginning
I've never blogged in the past but knowing so many that do I thought I would try to put down my thoughts on here & see where I go.
I am Stewart aged 41 living in Bedfordshire in the recycling game.
I spend far to much time on the Internet looking at everything & anything.
I spend far far to much time on Twitter under the name of @stewpot & I'd like to think I have many friends worldwide & I'd like to think I'm well liked by the masses.
Yes I'll put my hands up I do look at a lot of porn, mainly pictures more than videos but if it's there to look at then why not & a naked body is often a work of art despite shape, form or size.
Well that's my first posting as time goes on I will offer you my views on whatever takes my fancy.
Feel free to ask me any questions about anything at all, I'm like an open book ready to be read.
I am Stewart aged 41 living in Bedfordshire in the recycling game.
I spend far to much time on the Internet looking at everything & anything.
I spend far far to much time on Twitter under the name of @stewpot & I'd like to think I have many friends worldwide & I'd like to think I'm well liked by the masses.
Yes I'll put my hands up I do look at a lot of porn, mainly pictures more than videos but if it's there to look at then why not & a naked body is often a work of art despite shape, form or size.
Well that's my first posting as time goes on I will offer you my views on whatever takes my fancy.
Feel free to ask me any questions about anything at all, I'm like an open book ready to be read.
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